I've been feeling

Sometimes you're just having a bad day

I’ve been feeling (home)sick last week (week before in truth), mostly missing my god friends,  I have been over exerting myself in week ends. I tend to forget my sensitivity sometimes. But I have been recuperating a lot faster. I am now able to undertake enterprises that I would have been way to weak to try 10 years ago. Furthermore It would have taken months to get over some emotions. I am still battling with unfinished business from my teenage years. But I can be depressed on Monday morning and simply look at it and let it go and be fine an grander by Tuesday. I am truly thankfull for my ability to “reconstitute” in such a swift manner. I can expose myself to a lot more ! I oft have the feeling I should relax more but It’ll happen. Furthermore the difficulties I have or the actions that take a lot of energy are actually far from the field of the unfinished business I have to look at. 

holes in the street's walls will often reveal open spaces.

I feel I cannot stay “locked” officially for long (class room and such) I need the flow. But social interaction, the domain where lies much work to do, seldom brings me to the place where I cannot stand it. I can feel worse with a really cool teacher entertaining a very nice conversation that being with unfit people in a space where I can simply leave at any moment. Of course physically I can always just open the door, but that does not void the implicit contract between two parties in a constructed setting such as official business.

Orphanage interior courtyard. Often have beautiful sundowns at the end of the duh!

Later in my life I wrote….

            Yeah I just realized that I did something really stupid. I took one of the hardest decision of my life…. and then went very far away from my friends. Hehe. Oh man how did I not see this coming?

There are a lot of different ways to build houses in Perù.

            Well I’ve been feeling the hurt this past week. I guess it’s like eating, if you stop eating crap for a bit your body will grasp that opportunity like a drowning man gasping for air and expel toxins as fast as possible. So yeah it’s not unfair, or a cosmic riddle, that you feel like crap if you all of a sudden go vegan. And I’m starting to realise that this metaphor might not be the most appropriate. Anyways.

            Now I’m living alone and, well, have been feeling good, until all the feelings of insecurity and loneliness came arising about. Now already feel better though (always takes a few day to get used to a new living space), the rashes are slowly recessing, my “skin” becomes clearer and well I can see that I cannot count on anybody else to “guarantee” happiness, I’ll just end up becoming dependent and that’s the hard fall on asphalt, I simply cannot be dependent, it’s not a choice, it is who I am. Of course this does not void the happiness brought about meeting much loved people. So yeah, fun times! Yet it is, in truth, quite fun for I can only walk a path that will ultimately bring freedom, I will become a man that can be happy where ever (it is already possible of course) but what I want to express I guess is that I have the opportunity to have a go at true independence.

Skies are beautiful in Cusco

            Yet very hard moments, nonetheless I do love the paradox that I can know that life will be so different and “huger” that what I can imagine in my craziest dreams. I truly know that, it is obvious! And yet I cannot, in any ways have an inkling of the size, the width, the humongousness of what is to come. Each time I get surprised, amazed, fall on my but and “WOW!”. I just love how I can know that I cannot see it comming! How I just keep getting blasted out of my mind! Of course in retrospect the trail is clear and the clues are borders of my choice’s path!

            I love how mental is so limited. He know thing beyond his reach will come and there he is trying to wrap it’s mind around it. No possible johnny! But please do have fun trying little mind brain!  Hehe

            Anyways. Have a lot of interesting things to say (hopefully for you)

Me Penthouse!

Things about living places. (I just moved in) about how Peruvians are Chinese, about Andes and Himalaya sister energies and Orphans. I did really download much pictures of the orphanage and must compile more information about Andean Spirituality before sharing information but I will say that I have had the pleasure or shifting from college party crapop music to encountering “energy sphere travelers” (yeah very clear aintit?). Of course I’ll be going out still.

Yet Things are setting themselves, I feel confident in Spanish now and can express myself with more gusto, in just a few week I’ll have free mornings and probably will have the leisure of trying the “perfect” yoga week ( yoga class every day!!!!). plus hitting gym. My actual teacher is even better than the one before. By better I mean closer to my way of doing, being and seing the world. I learn more and time goes by faster, we are alike on some levels, yet as boredom is not a problem in my life. I do get to feel I could enjoy more time. Alike this blog that has been publicationshy this last week. For a lack of time, and truly feelings too maelstromic to publish. ( yeah I now! it can happen to me!)

Had a small hosting yesterday (picture not directly related, simply my living room). was much fun! 

I have been discovering a great deal about myself lately. Loneliness often brings it’s friend realization, he’s just shy like a kid and hides behind loneliness, so kinda have to look at loneliness and interact and be patient and calm if you want to meet realization.

            Somehow I feel better because last night I went to bed scared that I would have nightmare but had clear and significant dreams instead. I have been sleeping very well thank you. It is hotter than my previous Cuzco bedroom so I can sleep in my birth suit and not be encumbered by discomfort. I do feel there is energy in my place and it is not dreadful yet I still have not got a clear read. As usual with me it is probably a good spirit. I simply must grow a bit more to understand.  The place in itself is perfect!! Kitchen, I’ve stocked with tomatoes, spinash, parsnips (0,80 soles for 650grams!) pinapple, mango, carrots, cucumber, avocado, lime, papaya, pepper, chili peppers, broccoli, salad, beets, honey, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, tamarind, Cocoa Butter, Cocoa powder, bananas, lentils, chickpeas, split peas. All incredibly cheap. Unfortunately I believe most are neither organic nor close to. I have been passing shops that supposedly are for agricultural purposed but all I see is pvc plastic white bottles with pictures of women in thongs with obscure names promoting rapid growth. The taste of some fruits is very bland compared to their organic pendants.

My very own kitchen! 

            No wifi makes for a calm place. I’ve been sleeping like rarely I do, weel more precisely like I do up in the mountains or when I simply am not close to big, cities, or wifi or cellphones. Truth be told I have enough experience now to know that I truly sleep better without radiowave of some sorts.